I sit here and honestly don’t know what to say. In the past I would write something smart and feel like it was a good excuse. This time, I am just not going to make an excuse. I am really disgusted with my poker playing right now that I have decided to take a small break.

I guess if there was to be a good week to take a break, this would be it. I just recently had my wisdom teeth pulled, and I have kind of been in and out of it. I really should of had them pulled years before, but they just never bothered me.

Back to the topic at hand, I feel as though I have a good grasp of many different poker variants. But obviously something is not connecting with me.

My Official Poker Ranking shows that I am now a profitable MTT player, though this was not necessarily the case as recently as 6-8 months ago. Though notice that my most profitable game is under the “other” category due to the limit 5 card draw MTTs I have played in the past. I also believe this to be the case due to the large field sizes in the NLH mtts and I really haven’t had what I consider a big “payday” to give me that great of an ROI.

My Sharkscope is much of the same, proving that I must be doing something right. In fact, the only game that I believe I have a -ROI in when it comes to my Sharkscope is the Turbo 180 man SNGs, though I have a really good ROI in the regulars.

One thing that I have to note about both my OPR and my Sharkscope is that it really isn’t enough games for me to make a solid evaluation of my game. I have never really been much of a high volume player. Yet, I do believe if anything, my SNG numbers are pretty close, and my MTT numbers are actually behind when it comes to my true potential.

So where is the problem? It must be cash games right? Well when it comes BB/100 hands in nearly every game I frequent, I am a profitable player.

The true problem is when I hit a skid in the road. I play WAY over my BR and this is where I compound errors to be left with a less than stellar amount in the Cashier. It is like an avalanche that has become out of control. One thing brings on the next, and then I look up and realize that I just don’t know what I am doing anymore.

Now I have had many stints of jumping up levels before my bankroll was truly ready. When I really get burned is when I jump up to chase losses or when I am tilting. When I have jumped up in the past due to my knowledge of the competition or the edge I feel I have in a game, I have done pretty well. In fact, that is where I made my last run from 2k to 4k in 5 card draw.

I really just wish I could jump up to a limit today where I could compete for what I consider to be good money. Playing at the lower levels seems to bore me. I like to play against the best and at the best levels. This is my competitive desire coming out.

Am I the only one to get in a rut like this? No. In fact, it seems recently I have seen alot of “pros” and highly talented players complaining about being on a losing streak, some longer than others. It almost kind of worries me, because if they can’t make a profit, then how can I expect to? Is there really any type of a future in poker for me? Could there ever be a day where the whole playing field is so leveled out that nearly no one will be able to make an income from just playing poker?

Those are questions I can not answer, nor should I even attempt to at this point. But what I can do is answer the the question that I titled this post with. What is missing? What is holding me back?

After some long hard looks at my game (though with plenty of mistakes) I have come to the conclusion that there really isn’t much missing in my game for me to have not already reached my goal to 10k by now…..Instead it is too much of something……EGO!

I need a reality check and realize that I am only as good of a player as by how much money I make at this game. Everything starts with me, and I have to fight myself just to get to the next level. Poker really is a humbling, self-evaluating game that seems to always throw you a curveball when you are looking dead red fastball.

For the next couple of days, I plan to still keep evaluating my game and continue to brush up via videos and books. I will come back a better player and I am looking forward to it.